• PAST COLUMNS
• READER FEEDBACK
• Articles of Interest
  • MPAA places Christianity in same category as sex
  • Truth about Global Warming
• Elected officials
• Daily Rants History
• LINKS
  • Zepti.com
  • Getting A Word In Edgewise
  • Rush Limbaugh

If I were the President of the United States, this is what I wou

(by Luigi Luciano - April 05, 2007)

Every so often I get something in my E-mail that just hits the right note. This one did.

With the election coming up in 2008 and all these people running, it would be great to hear one of them give this speech below. It says it all. Most Americans would agree and they would probably win by a landslide.

There will be people who say it would hurt us with other countries. I say it would wake them up that we would put up with bull from anyone.

Picture a candidate saying this:

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of the regime has been completed.

Since Congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in is complete.

If I were President I would give the order for a complete removal of all American forces from . This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries that have stood by our side during the conflict. This list is short. The , , , and are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war, and clean up the deficet.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call .

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations: screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try , or maybe .

I would order the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with , , and . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I would instruct the mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbors. is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.

is also on List 2; former President Fox and current President Calderon and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put 'em? Yep, border security.

Oh, by the way, the is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska – off our coasts and the many other places which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in . It is time to eliminate homelessness in . To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thank you, guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless . Thank you and good night.

He would get my vote!!!!